Ladies, I recommend you skip this column. After all, unless you were home-schooled or studied abroad, you were a 13-year-old girl in an American middle school. I’m writing this expressly for men to explain the latest catfight between MAGA mamas Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert.
Gentlemen, you know that there are mean girls in middle school. You probably saw the movie, maybe even the hit Broadway musical. But you never lived it, as we women have. You probably don’t realize that middle schools have more than one clique. After all, more than one girl thinks she should be the Queen Bee, right? And that, in a nutshell, is what we have here.
You would think that it would be impossible for a duly-elected member of Congress — no matter how ignorant, unmannered, or low class — to call another “a little bitch,” but you would be wrong. It happened on Wednesday, and on the floor of the House, to boot.
If we were dealing with two adults, that would never happen, of course. But we’re talking about Insurrection Marge and Congress Barbie. They’re two 13-year-old girls who want to be the queen at the MAGA Homecoming, and each of them thinks it’s all about her. “Who does this cool-girl wannabe think she is, anyway?!?” (Be sure to say it in a tween Valley Girl voice with a huff at the end.)
Greene had earlier accused Boebert of “copying” Greene’s impeachment resolution, but doing it in such a way that would force a vote. In fairness, it must have made Greene feel dumb, and what could be more mortifying than to be made to look dumb by the likes of Lauren Boebert? (You can catch Boebert’s greatest hits of stupidity here, here, here, here, here, here — heck, she’s so dumb that you can buy a T-shirt that reads #LaurenBoebertIsSoDumb, after the popular hashtag.)
I’m sure they were both busy with their burn books on Wednesday night, you know, right?
As for me, I’m stocking up on popcorn, and watching to see when “Congresswoman Mud Wrestling” comes to TNT.