— by John David Dyche, Kentucky Lantern —
While scrolling through my Bluesky feed recently I received a connection request on Signal from a user identified as “White House.” I accepted the request and got a notice that I was to be included in a Signal chat group called “Kentucky Senate small group.”
The group also included former Kentucky Attorney General Daniel Cameron and 6th District U.S. Rep. Andy Barr, both declared candidates to replace the retiring Mitch McConnell of Kentucky in the U.S. Senate, along with CNN political commentator Scott Jennings and businessman Nate Morris, who are rumored to be considering that race.
A message to the group said, “Kentucky GOP Senate candidates: Please complete and return the attached questionnaire ASAP!”
It continued, “POTUS will use your responses in deciding whom to ENDORSE in the 2026 Republican Kentucky Senate primary. His endorsement will decide the race, so don’t hold back in showing us how far you will go to get it. Self-abasement is highly encouraged! Repudiation of previously professed principles will be rewarded!”
Here’s the questionnaire:
- Mitch McConnell may have helped in your political career, but he said President Trump was “practically and morally responsible for provoking” the Capitol riot on Jan. 6, 2021. Are you willing to repudiate McConnell for this blasphemy?
- Trump called Jan. 6, 2021, a “day of love.” What did you love most about the insurrection?
- Trump pardoned persons convicted of assaulting police and seditious conspiracy. How do you praise those pardons while pretending to “back the blue” and support the Constitution?
- Trump is a convicted felon and an adjudicated sexual abuser and financial fraud. Can you fake cry while contending he was a victim?
- Trump says the 2020 election was “rigged,” but offers no evidence. Can you make some up?
- While claiming he won the 2020 election, Trump advocated “termination of all rules, regulations, and articles, even those found in the Constitution.” What are some other reasons we should terminate the Constitution for Trump’s sake?
- When asked recently, “Don’t you need to uphold the Constitution of the United States as president?” Trump replied, “I don’t know.” Are you OK with that answer?
- Trump’s first vice president, Mike Pence, refused to endorse him in 2024, saying, “Anyone who puts himself above the Constitution should not be president.” Can you make the case that Pence is a radical liberal communist?
- Which did you think was funnier, Trump mocking a disabled journalist or Trump calling Elaine Chao a racist name?
- Trump falsely blames Ukraine for starting the war with Russia. What are some other lies you will tell to help Putin?
- Trump took classified national security documents and stored them around his resort, including in a bathroom. Are you willing to say, “I don’t give a sh*t!”?
- Trump supporters Elon Musk and Steve Bannon have given fascist salutes. Will you show us yours?
- At a recent cabinet meeting, MAGA hats were in place for every cabinet member. Will you wear one while campaigning like Trump does? If not, why not?
- John Kelly, a retired four-star Marine general who served as Trump’s chief of staff, said Trump “thinks those who defend their country in uniform, or are shot down or seriously wounded in combat, or spend years being tortured as POWs are all ‘suckers’ because ‘there is nothing in it for them.'” Trump denies it. How would you convince people Kelly is the liar?
- Gen. Mark Milley, former chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, called Trump “a wannabe dictator.” Trump called Milley a “traitor.” Who has the better case?
- The value of Trump’s meme coin jumped after he said the coin’s top holders would get a private gala dinner, an ultra-exclusive VIP reception and a special tour with him. How much meme coin can we put you down for?
- Can you keep a straight face while saying, “Donald Trump is a good, decent, honest man, and I would be proud if my children grew up to be like him”?
With that, the chat initiator explained that he had meant to include Vice President J.D.Vance, but mistakenly typed “JDD” instead of “JDV.” He asked me if I would “do him a solid” and keep the mix-up “on the down low.”
“And if I don’t?” I asked. He would lie about it, have me abducted by masked goons, deny me due process, and send me to a prison in El Salvador, came the response.
This column is satire, but for some people, including citizens and others who have done nothing wrong, that threat has proved all too real. Such Trump “mass deportation” practices are despicable, and often illegal, so Kentucky’s Republican Senate hopefuls will probably support them with pride.
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Written by John David Dyche. Cross-posted from the Kentucky Lantern.
